If hotels were aid agencies...

Me: Hello, I have a reservation for this evening, for a non-smoking room with one double bed. Hotel: Yes, the Hotel Reconstruction and Development Bank has approved an Overnight Accomodation and Poverty Reduction (OAPR) grant for this purpose.

Me: So can I have my room please?

Hotel: The OAPR committed the room, but in order for the room to be disbursed you have to present an Overnight Accomodation and Poverty Reduction plan, to be approved by our board. Here is the OAPR Preparation Guidelines and Best Practices Sourcebook (hands over thousand page document).

(hours later)

Me: Thanks for approving my OAPR plan, now can I have my key?

Hotel: The OAPR is a collaborative effort involving many donors. The keys are provided by the Swiss. Thanks to our improved coordination efforts, the Swiss aid office is only 60 kilometers away, and can help you complete the Swiss room key procurement guidelines.

(hours later)

Me: Hello, is this the front desk? I just got into my room, and there is a stranger who says that he also is sleeping in my room.

Hotel: The OAPR is available to all eligible beneficiaries. Best practice guidelines try to maximize the utilization of all available beds.

Me: But neither he nor I want to share a bed. In our culture, it is not usually considered acceptable for male heterosexual strangers to sleep in the same bed.

Hotel: All our programs are culturally sensitive and context-specific. I will refer your comment to our Oversight Committee on Safeguard Policies, which addresses fully both of the issues you raised: involuntary resettlement and cultural mores of indigenous peoples.

Me: Will this get the man out of my room?

Hotel: The Oversight Committee on Safeguard Policies will consider new guidelines affecting future Overnight Accommodation and Poverty Reduction grants. In order to hear all stakeholders, they are permitted one fiscal year from the filing of an initial comment to a consideration of a new guideline.

Me: I am extremely unhappy with how my hotel reservation has turned out, to whom can I complain?

Hotel: the Hotel Reconstruction and Development Bank is working with the local authorities on improving Local Empowerment and Accountability for Results.

Me: &*()%#$!@@#$%^&!

Hotel evaluation report: The Overnight Accommodation and Poverty Reduction program met its Fiscal Year benchmark for progress on increasing Commitments of Hotel Accommodation Facilities.